Reactionary

Things happen all at once sometimes. A year ago, I never would have guessed that I’d be here in my apartment in Philadelphia at the end and eve of things. The streets are wet with chill autumn rain and empty save for the fallen leaves. TVs are on tonight, bars are full, and pizzerias busy. Fans stand outside by the thousands in South Philly watching happen what for years many have blamed on the Curse of Billy Penn and considered impossible.

I thought my grandmother would live forever. I never considered the world without her. She’d been old for as long as I’d known her since she was deep into her sixties when I was born. When they told me the news this morning that she’d gone, I knew it was inevitable. Logic said it was true and soon to come. I’ve seen the grim look before on strangers and when I packed up and left Sunday, I knew it was the last time. But knowing doesn’t make things real sometimes and it’s still a strange thing, an aberration to have a world without her. The grand old lady has gone on and I’ll never see her again. They plan on a ceremony on Friday. Halloween. It isn’t the most natural date one thinks of to bury a devout Catholic but I laugh to think that maybe it was made for her. Grandmothers give hugs and kisses and treats, constant treats you can’t eat before dinner. She was the epitome of Grandmother, it’s Form. Why shouldn’t everyone remember her on the day when she’d have packages all lined up for the USPS and bags of candy for the kids in the neighborhood. The jack-o-lantern sits full at the top of the steps but there won’t be a care package for me in the mail that day, addressed with the same pseudo-script handwriting arrow-straight thanks to a simple 3×5 card. The lady’s gone. The gifter. The Grandmother.

But I have no time to grieve. I scarcely have time to note the shadow on the family tree or the gaping hole in my conscience. I gather papers tonight and pack away the old relic of a checkbook into a bag that has only ever seen credit cards. Tomorrow, early, I take possession and close. I promise to not move from this city without fair thought and much wrangling. I promise to save the tax credit and not spend it. I promise to pay taxes. I’ll have to buy tools. I’ll care more if something scratches a wall. I’ll be able to say “my condo”. I’ll live among the literati. I’ll pretend to be as hip as my neighborhood. I’ll worry about property values. I promise to not take a new job I “love” if I have to take a pay cut. I’ll feel grown up. I’ll feel proud I did something so complicated by myself and something I never imagined I’d do at all. I didn’t think I wanted to own until I came upon the decision in February suddenly and without warning.

Next week, days from now, the nation votes in a black man or a Mick for President. The world watches with bated breath. Power transfers. Some things change, some stay the same. The year ends and the Dow continues to sink. Some things are certain, others considered impossible, like Philadelphia winning the World Series.

I wrote this on October 27th, 2008 | Topic: Life |  Print |  Email | Say something

I’m in the airport lounge waiting for the flight to take off and ruminating once again over what I’ve just been through. The experience always erodes any faith in humanity I may have. People, be smart. If you’re too fat or too stupid to navigate the maze of the security check, you shouldn’t been flying.

If you are, these rules should help you figure it out. If more than, say, two apply to you, you’re probably not ready for airplane travel.

1. You wear a baseball cap and you are over 12 and not physically at this very moment going to a baseball game. If your cap is on backwards and you are over 12 and not at this moment going to a game, stop reading this immediately. You are instantly disqualified. If that cap is appropriate wear to you, you should be on that infamous No Fly list and there should be a warrant out for your arrest.

2. Your so-called carryon is bigger than a cocker spaniel and you cannot easily lift it over your head without help from your fellow passengers. You plan on blocking the plane’s miniature hallway while you attempt to park the monstrosity in the bulkhead.

3. You have been mistaken for a wigwam by schoolchildren.

4. You cannot understand and comply with the liquid packing rule either because you cannot understand the picture and 3rd grade reading level instructions printed on anything semi-permanent at the airport. You think they somehow do not apply to you, or you somehow missed all the news about it a couple of years ago and therefore you must really be a member of one of those tribes in the Amazon rainforest and therefore you should be further ingratiated into modern society before attempting to board a plane by yourself.

P.S. Your arrows tipped with curare won’t pass security muster either.

5. You missed the memo on the whole Laptop Rule thing even though that one’s been on the books the longest.

6. You are accompanied by screaming wild animals who you affectionately call your children. Please see a shrink immediately.

7. You find the airport bathrooms and those in your home unfit for your use so the ones on the plane must be used immediately… and just after takeoff. You will ignore the seatbelt rule.

8. You wear socks with your sandals.

9. You thought the time printed on your boarding pass was merely a suggestion. You thought you had options.

10. And in honor of the news today: You are now or soon will file for foreclosure or bankruptcy because it was all somone else’s fault. You were only supposed to sign a paper and be scott free. Research and education is for wusses.

If the first rule or any combination of two of the others apply to you, get off my plane. And if you can do anything about deleting your presence on the planet altogether, that would really help. If we’re going to harpoon the planet with a heavy carbon footprint with this flight, let’s not waste it.

Keep you seatbelt securely fastened.

I wrote this on October 23rd, 2008 | Topic: Life, Rant, Travels |  Print |  Email | Say something

I hate optimists. Rather, I hate smug, self-satisfied irrationals and optimists are irrational. Optimism is seeing “the good” when there is none. It’s sunny glasses blinding someone from what actually exists. Deny it if you like, but the truth will always out. You can’t solve problems if you refuse to examine and face them. By the same token, pessimists are irrational as well since they insist on seeing everything bleak, even when there isn’t a bleak. They see clouds in a cloudness sky and rain on a sunny day. Optimists? They see sun at night and blue sky through heavy rain clouds. Both are wrong. Both are ridiculous. They’ll both get wet or sunburned. No one really dares slander an optimist, though, so that’s why I’m leveling my changes against them tonight.

You know what bothers me most? The persistent seeing of the “the good” robs people of the praise they deserve. This world has been saved since time immemorial by the few who stood to fight and have it out and took it on the chin. People deserve the praise, no matter how scant or intangible, for the wars they wage every day. The deserve it. Give it to them, for godsake. No, it wasn’t fixed because it “wasn’t as bad as you thought”. It didn’t resolve of its own volition. Things didn’t just “work out”. Those are the euphemisms idiot optimists insist on shoving down everyone’s throats when disaster was averted because someone stood there and took it. Get your head out of your cloud and thank them. Or save your breath and shut up.

I wrote this on October 22nd, 2008 | Topic: Rant |  Print |  Email | Say something

It’s no secret a lot of people are going through rough times right now, myself included. I read this great article on one of my new favorite websites and decided to list five things I can’t cut out of the budget, no matter what. I can’t be so humorous as Klein since I’m not really in the frame of mind to do it, but I appreciate people who keep on being so funny, because we need them.

1. Coffee houses: I adore going to coffee houses to write or sit or read. I don’t care that i can make my own coffee at home. It’s the full experience that counts. I won’t stop going to coffee houses if it’s the last thing I do. I may not order $4 mochas, but I’ll keep going.
2. iTunes purchases: Good music never wears out and it never gets old and everyone knows the best music is born of hardship. I can hardly wait for the new Killers album.
3. Sephora: It’s called the Lipstick Law– people will continue to indulge in little things, no matter how rough times get. I can’t wear most lipsticks but I adore Stila’s gloss and I just scored the new hot grey nail polish this afternoon. Finally.
4. Metropolitan Bakery: They’re awfully expensive and price hikes this year have just made it worse, but there’s nothing like their amazing Old European bread. I can’t make this at home and I won’t stop buying it. There’s nothing better to eat than crusty, Old World bread… even if that’s all you can afford to eat.
5. Netflix: I gave up my cable but I have to watch *something* and Netflix and Hulu help.

I wrote this on October 20th, 2008 | Topic: Dollars and Cents, Life, News |  Print |  Email | Say something

That’s it. Just done. This year is proving to be the worst since 1988.

Bye. It’s been nice knowing you.

I wrote this on October 19th, 2008 | Topic: General |  Print |  Email | Say something

In a time of incredible stress, both personal and societal, I thought I’d make a list. There’s a need to dwell on things I like, both humorous and serious, but always interesting, since interesting is what I love best.

• The Daily Beast: I heard about this site on The Daily Show. It’s an odd assortment of news and doesn’t have the same gravitas as a full dose of The Economist, but the snippets are far-flung and amusing. I’m enjoying it.
• Anything Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Tina Fey-as-Sarah Palin, and the Weekend Update crew on Saturday Night Live do.
• Fly Deportation Air: Things that make you go HUH? I just had to buy an emergency Southwest ticket. Due to it’s ridiculous price, I will not be able to visit family for Christmas. Is this right?
• Renewing the Vow: I’ve been eating out a lot again. Dammit! I’m restarting the vow right now. Cooking often helps calm me, even when I’m at the last nerve and beyond.
• FindLaw.com: Bucketloads of law all free for the perusing. Who knew you could actually learn something useful from school.
• Seasonal produce: If I’m to renew the Vow, I’d better get all excited about apples, pears, quince, mushrooms, and pomegranates. I have to somehow find the energy.
• Peggy Noonan’s column “Palin’s Failin’”: I especially enjoyed the following snippet: “… George W. Bush when he darts out like the bird in a cuckoo clock to tell us we are in crisis…” I always like a good similie and this one nailed it.
• The Killers’ new video for “Human” in which an older Brandon Flowers is looking fantastic. It was worth my $1.49 to iTunes.

I wrote this on October 17th, 2008 | Topic: Life |  Print |  Email | Say something

There’s bad news all around. Economic news is black. Newspapers are rife with predictions of a severe recession (which may have already started since recessions can only be diagnosed in hindsight). The Dow Jones swings ruthlessly every day. Watching the Bloomberg is an exercise in futility. The Arctic is melting. Osama bin Laden is still at large. More than a few people look at what’s said at presidential debates and cringe. Is the best behind us? Have we learned from history or is it set to repeat itself ruthlessly.

My stressors are fighting to outdo each other in which one will finally drive me mad. I’m closing in on settlement but things keep flying in out of the black space around me as if I didn’t have enough to do. Money, work, family, finance, housing. One after another after another after another. And no one to help. I gave up expecting a savior to rise out of the blue and help me a long time ago.

But still, lights still flicker on. There are plenty of people out there working hard every day to keep the course, to hold the wheel, to make the world better and rescue it from a fiery end. Isn’t it how it’s always been? Someone has kept the light on, alive, to start up the new dawn. And they’re not the easy answers. They’re not the do-gooders or the homeless advocates or the bleeding hearts or the bands of naive hippies. They’re smart and hip and cultured and they’re saving the world with their wit and skill and smarts and fearlessness and humor. There are plenty of them. Model that. Admire and copy that. Don’t you dare give up. Don’t you dare fold. Don’t you dare give in. Work harder. Be smarter. Think clearer (is that a word?). And for the sake of all humanity, don’t you lose heart.

That’s what losers do and losers never win.

I wrote this on October 16th, 2008 | Topic: Life |  Print |  Email | Say something

There are too many points here which are far too close to their respective marks. I especially enjoyed the bits about “two intelligent, qualified people working together to solve problems” and “bitches get stuff done”. I never did get why Hillary being married to Bill was a huge problem. it’s not like he’s a convicted felon. So he’s an ex-President. So what. And, yeah, Hillary Clinton is a bitch but that’s a societally accepted term for an efficient woman. Being nice to people never got anything done.

I managed to make almond rochers and key lime sorbet mix and chopped a red and yellow pepper tonight before my energy gave out. I can hardly wait to be moved and settled so I can finally get some energy back. Being this chronically tired is about as enjoyable as a root canal without the lidocaine.

I wrote this on October 12th, 2008 | Topic: General, Life, News |  Print |  Email | Say something

November 25th.

I wrote this on October 11th, 2008 | Topic: Life |  Print |  Email | Say something

The Dow's Freefall

The Dow Jones is under 8600. If I were 50, I’d have taken a flying leap out of my window. My real estate deal is right at its end. It’ll either go through or die. If it dies, I have no idea where I’ll be living come December 1st. My 403(b) and IRA are worth less than the total money I’ve contributed into them. My cash is worth less every day. Cooler heads must prevail.

So to play the harp while Rome burns, I had lunch at Whole Foods today and found some red and French black lentils. The bulk foods are actually well-priced at the otherwise costly store. And their food really is exceptional quality, but I can’t afford that for every little thing I buy. The market is the way to go for most things. But it was nice to be back at Whole Foods. It’s actually much closer to my apartment than I remember it being and the walk down through neighborhoods full of Federalist houses during an Indian summer day helped take my mind off the stupid man I’m trying to buy from and the absolutely black economic news.

Get yourself together and avoid panic at all costs though fear is inevitable right now. Iceland’s bankrupt for godsake. ICELAND.

What are you doing to hold it together?

I wrote this on October 9th, 2008 | Topic: Life, News |  Print |  Email | Say something

Tim Robbins said that on Monday’s Daily Show. It’s something many of us have been thinking for a while. I’ve expounded on it. I don’t want to identify with the President, I want him to lead.

Enough with idiots who can’t even speak. Someone like Joan Ellis gets it. I don’t want my friends and neighbors to be President. Half of them barely qualify to even vote. In college, one of my bet friends didn’t know a president can only serve two terms. I love my friends and like some of my neighbors, but I don’t want them in the White House. The elite need to do it, someone better and more fit and more educated than every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Sadly, money buys the illusion of intelligence and that’s how we got Bush (the 1st… I don’t think anyone really ever thought W was blessed with any mental strength at any time).

Stop voting for people “like you”, Americans. Most of you are woefully unfit to even think about becoming President. Accept it.

Sadly, intelligent people are rare and getting rarer.

I wrote this on October 7th, 2008 | Topic: Life, News, Rant |  Print |  Email | Say something